The Cost of True Friendship
A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
Proverbs 18:24
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Here is a classic verse on friendship. You’re likely familiar with the second line. You may have heard it taught or preached in regard to David and Jonathan, or perhaps even Christ Himself.
The first line though, may not be as familiar. It really depends on the tradition you grew up in. If you grew up in a church that used the King James Version, like I did, then this was how you heard the verse.
To be fair, I grew up before the NASB or the NIV became popular, and the ESV didn’t even exist at that time.
But if you grew up in a church that used one of the modern, eclectic translations, then you heard this verse differently.
The NASB renders it:
A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
The ESV and NIV both say:
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
So why the difference? And which is correct?
Older Translations and Commentaries
It’s important to note that there is a marked difference, not only in the translation, but also in the commentaries, from ancient to modern.
The Geneva Bible translated the passage:
A man that hath friends, ought to shew him selfe friendly: for a friend is nearer then a brother. [Proverbs 18.24 GENEVA]
The KJV and the NKJV both follow that translation. And the older commentators understand it that way as well.
Matthew Henry wrote:
Solomon here recommends friendship to us, and shows, 1. What we must do that we may contract and cultivate friendship; we must show ourselves friendly.
Matthew Henry was not ignorant of the underlying Hebrew text, and he understood it to mean what the KJV translates it to mean.
Another 17th century commentator, Matthew Poole, treated the text this way:
A man that hath friends, Heb. a man of friends ; either,
1. Who desires the friendship of others. Or,
2. Who professeth friendship to others.
It appears he also understood the text the way the KJV does.
John Gill, who was very fluent in the languages, likewise, didn’t question the translation. He wrote:
Ver. 24. A man [that hath] friends must show himself friendly, etc.]
Friendship ought to be mutual and reciprocal, as between David and Jonathan; a man that receives friendship ought to return it, or otherwise he is guilty of great ingratitude.
In his commentary on the text, Adam Clark quotes other resources and then mentions the more modern translation.
If a man do not maintain a friendly carriage, he cannot expect to retain his friends…But critics and commentators are not agreed on the translation of this verse. The original is condensed and obscure…“A frende that delyteth in love, doth a man more frendship, and sticketh faster unto him, than a brother.” COVERDALE.
“A man that hath friends ought to show himself friendly for a friend is nearer than a brother.” BARKER’S Bible, 1615.
“A man amyable to felowschip, more a freend schal ben thanne a brother.” — Old MS. Bible. The two last verses in this chapter, and the two first of the next, are wanting in the Septuagint and Arabic.
…A late commentator has translated the verse thus:. The man that hath many friends is ready to be ruined…
As Clark says, the original is somewhat obscure.
Modern Commentators
The modern commentators interpret it differently.
The Tyndale Commentary says:
The first line reads lit. ‘A man of friends [is] to be shattered’…the Heb. is very cryptic, and there is a case for reading the opening word (cf. RSV) not as ‘a-man-of’, but as ‘there-are’ (a very small consonantal difference): [Tyndale Commentary]
The Bible Knowledge Commentary says:
If a person has many companions, or numerous friends chosen indiscriminately, he may find himself in trouble (lit., “be broken in pieces”). [Bible Knowledge Commentary]
The Expositor’s Bible Commentary says:
The Hebrew…is difficult. It means “for being crushed” or “to be shattered” but not “to show oneself friendly” (cf. KJV). The idea may be that there are friends to one’s undoing (if we read yēš [“there is”] instead of ’îš [“a man’]. [Allen P. Ross. The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, 5.1029-1030]
Notice that there is a subtle modification of the text underway in the modern translations and commentaries. The Hebrew is difficult, so they make small changes to the text in order to make it easier.
Understanding the Dilemma
The problem is, the text could be translated to read,
A man who has friends must himself be distressed [or broken], But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
So what can it mean that a man who has friends must be broken, and how does that come to be translated as friendly?
Let’s think about it this way.
Solomon wrote this. He was familiar with the story of his father David, and his friend Jonathan. David and Jonathan were friends who were closer than brothers. And both were distressed because of that friendship.
Jonathan watched his own father hunt his best friend, trying to stay loyal to them both. I’m sure it was distressing for him, but he let himself be broken and distressed for the sake of his friend.
David, likewise, suffered much conflict of the soul, I’m sure, for the sake of his friend, the son of his enemy.
And yet the ultimate example of a man being broken for his friends, comes not from the life of David or Jonathan, but from the earthly life of Christ. Spurgeon said:
we believe that this friend is the blessed Redeemer, Jesus Christ.
[Spurgeon, A Faithful Friend A sermon (No. 120) delivered on Sabbath Morning, March 8, 1857, at The Music Hall, Royal Surrey Gardens.]
Jesus called us His friends, and to be our friend, required that He be crushed by the wrath of God. Jesus taught us:
Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. [John 15.13]
Jesus was crushed, broken, torn to pieces when He laid down His life for His friends [us]. He has friends, only because He delivered them by giving Himself to be broken for our salvation.
How to have meaningful friendships
But Proverbs is presenting us, not only with a picture of Christ, but with principles to live by. Solomon, speaking by inspiration of the Spirit, is telling us that to have friends, we must be willing to give ourselves, to them and for them.
Friendship that never gives and only takes, or only enjoys, is shallow indeed.
A true friend suffers with you, grieves with you, aids you in your distress. A true friend loves you as he loves himself.
If you want friends, you’re going to have to be willing to suffer some hurt, some inconvenience, to get outside your comfort zone and enter into their life and all its messiness.
If you keep yourself aloof, you can remain unharmed, but you’ll remain lonely.
So which translation is correct?
I think the old KJV doesn’t convey the weight of suffering that comes with being a man who has friends, but I think the newer translations cast it in too negative a light, suggesting that too many friends will be bad for you, but if you only have a few you won’t suffer for it.
Neither of these is entirely correct.
A man who would have friends must be willing to be inconvenienced for them, to help bare their burdens, to sit in the dust and grieve with them, to be crushed for them. Such a friend is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Let us rejoice that Christ was willing to be broken for our sake, to bear the griefs and burdens that were ours, and to call us His friends at the cost of His own life. Let His loving sacrifice move us to love others in the same way—willing to be inconvenienced, to enter into their hurts, and to give ourselves for their good. In laying down our lives for our friends, we follow the footsteps of our faithful Friend and honor the One who first loved us.
Coffee Talk: Brance and Lauren talk pour over ice coffee.
Defining Theology: Brance and Lauren have a discussion of theology term proof text.
Resources Mentioned: