Strengthening a Friend’s Hand in God

Then Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God.

I Samuel 23:16

Most of us would say we want to be a good friend. But what exactly does that involve? What does it mean to be a good friend?

In episode 011 we talked about the cost of true friendship, giving yourself for the sake of your friend.

And in the course of that conversation, I mentioned this verse as an example of the kind of thing a godly friend does.

Lauren asked me what it would look like to strengthen your friend’s hand in God and I answered that it was

…encouraging them, reminding them of the promises of God…Jonathan reminding David, “God has anointed you. He’s promised you certain things. Yes, Saul is hunting for you and wants to kill you, but God is sovereign. Saul is not going to be successful in this endeavor”… And that speaks to the character of Jonathan, as a friend. He was more concerned with the will of God than he was with his own personal advancement.

As I thought more about this and looked the passage up, I decided it was worthy of further discussion.

When we examine the context, we find that my initial answer was correct.

And David stayed in strongholds in the wilderness, and remained in the mountains in the Wilderness of Ziph. Saul sought him every day, but God did not deliver him into his hand. So David saw that Saul had come out to seek his life. And David was in the Wilderness of Ziph in a forest. Then Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God. And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Even my father Saul knows that.” So the two of them made a covenant before the LORD. And David stayed in the woods, and Jonathan went to his own house. [I Samuel 23.14-18]

David is on the run from King Saul who is seeking his life. He’s hiding out in the wilderness.

This must have seemed like a setback after being anointed by the prophet Samuel and then becoming a national hero by killing the giant Goliath.

So what does David’s friend Jonathan do?

He comes to him in his distress

Then Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David in the woods…[v16]

Here is the sacrifice that Jonathan makes to be a friend. He leaves the comfort and safety of his own home and goes to David in his place of distress.

He does’t send a letter or a message. He goes himself. He joins his friend in the danger.

Most of us won’t ever have to go to a friend hiding out in the wilderness from a wicked king who wants to kill them. But we will have friends in distress who just need us to be with them for a while.

The comfort of having a friend present with you cannot be overstated.

In our modern, online world, we spend so much time interacting with friends from afar, via social media and text messaging, that I think we have lost sight of, and lost the practice of, being present with others in their time of need.

He strengthened his hand in God

In a moment of crisis and and doubt, a person’s resolve is weak. Jonathan didn’t feed David, or strengthen his muscles. Rather the expression means that he strengthened David’s resolve to persevere through difficult circumstances.

And being a godly friend, he did this in the Lord. He didn’t strengthen David’s resolve by flattering David, or assuring him that he was strong enough or tough enough to endure this. He strengthened David’s resolve in God, not himself.

This is the essence of a godly friend, he points you away from yourself and toward Christ.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. [II Corinthians 12.9]

When a friend is suffering, or fearful, or anxious about their circumstances, what they need most is not reassurance that they are strong, but that Christ is.

Puritan commentator Matthew Henry wrote:

As a pious friend, he directed him to God, the foundation of his confidence and the fountain of his comfort: He strengthened his hand in God. David, though a strong believer, needed the help of his friends for the perfecting of what was lacking in his faith; and herein Jonathan was helpful to him, by reminding him of the promise of God.

Here is true and godly friendship, to direct another to Christ in his time of weakness.

He encourages him

The NKJV has a footnote that says this could be translated as:

…and encouraged him in God.

The same word is used elsewhere in passages we are likely familiar with.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. [Deuteronomy 31.6]

In Exodus 4, when the Lord turned Moses shepherd’s staff into a serpent, He told Moses to pick it up by the tail. Exodus 4.4 says:

And he reached out his hand and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand.

I can assure you, Moses didn’t just lightly grip that snake. He grasped it firmly. That’s what the word means.

It’s the same word that’s used to describe Pharaoh’s heart being hardened.

Jonathan built up David’s courage. And he did so, not on the basis of David’s strength, but God’s. That’s what it means to encourage someone in the Lord, or strengthen their hand, in the Lord.

We all need to be encouraged.

There are many circumstances that stress us out, cause anxiety, fear, worry, and doubt. The best of us rightly doubt ourselves in difficult circumstances.

To encourage your friend at such a time, means to strengthen their resolve to persevere, to tighten their grip and face the difficulty with courage, not because of anything in them, but because they can trust God.

He reminds him of God’s promises

Jonathan does this by reminding David of God’s promises and the reality of the Lord’s sovereignty.

And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Even my father Saul knows that.” [v17]

When we strengthen a friend’s hand in God, we can’t promise our friend that they will rule a nation, but we can remind them of God’s promises in the sure and comforting words of Scripture.

We can remind our friends that they are never alone in their struggles.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. [Isaiah 41:10]

When our friends are anxious about their needs, we can assure them that God will provide.

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. [Philippians 4:19]

In moments of fear or uncertainty, we can remind our friends that God’s peace is a refuge.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. [Isaiah 26:3]

We can remind our friends that suffering is never wasted in God’s plan.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. [Romans 8:28]

When despair creeps in, we can encourage our friends to lift their eyes to His eternal promise.

In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. [John 16:33]

In moments when our friends are weary or discouraged, these reminders can strengthen them to endure, to press on, to fight the good fight against sin and unbelief, to keep their eyes firmly fixed on the goodness and faithfulness of God.

Like Jonathan, we can come alongside, speak God’s truth into their circumstances, and help them tighten their grip on Him.

He assures him he is not alone

The last thing Jonathan does is reassure David that he isn’t alone, that Jonathan loves him as a brother.

So the two of them made a covenant before the LORD. And David stayed in the woods, and Jonathan went to his own house. [v18]

As far as we know from the Biblical record, this is the last time the two friends saw each other in this life. Which only serves to highlight the importance of placing our hope in God and not in people.

Nonetheless, Jonathan’s actions in making this covenant show us the importance of friendship. We need to be reminded that the Christian life is not lived in isolation, we don’t have to, in fact we must not, go it alone.

God redeemed us and reconciled us to Himself, but He also reconciled us to one another in the church to be a band of brothers, strengthening each other along the way to the Celestial City.

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up. [Ecclesiastes 4.9,10]

Discussion

[1] What are some practical ways we might “strengthen a friend’s hand in God,” for the fight against sin and discouragement?

• Text them reminders of God’s promises, such as His constant presence (Isaiah 41:10) and faithfulness (Romans 8:28)
• Don’t be afraid to pray with them.
• Learn to apply the Gospel to all of life.
• Check in regularly, ask how they’re doing, ask good questions.
• Reassure them they are not alone in their fight against sin and discouragement.
• Speak words of courage and hope, by affirming God’s sovereignty good purposes.

[2] In our digital age dominated by online “friendships”, how can we show up in person for friends who need strengthening?

• Join them in church gatherings, prayer meetings, or Bible studies for spiritual encouragement.
• Share a meal together to build and strengthen friendship and fellowship, and don’t look at your phone.
• Be available to help with practical needs, like childcare, or meals.
• In times of need, show up in person, even to just sit quietly with them. You don’t have to have all the answers.

Coffee Talk: Brance and Lauren talk about their current reading during their morning coffee time.

Defining Theology: Brance and Lauren define and discuss the theological term Catechism.

Resources Mentioned:

2LCF (2nd London Baptist Confession of Faith)
James Stoddard (Author)
The Night Land, a story retold
The Evenmere Chronicles