friendship

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)

Friendships can bring us a lot of joy and a lot of pain. A friendship where each person counts the other more significant is one full of love that has the capacity for a lot of joy. A beautiful example of this kind of friendship, is the biblical example of David and Jonathan. Those types of friendships are life-giving and God-glorifying. On the other hand, a friendship where each person is only thinking of themselves and their own needs and true repentance and forgiveness is not present, there is capacity for much pain.

One of the things that has caused me a great deal of pain in my life has been a broken relationship. It was a friendship that I had enjoyed through college and beyond, but ended rather abruptly, partly due to my own fault and sin and partly to the unhealthiness of the relationship. During our friendship, I was an enabling friend who was too afraid to heed Proverbs 27:6, where we are told that faithful are the wounds of a friend and profuse are the kisses of an enemy. I behaved more like an enemy than a true friend when I silently watched and listened as my friend would behave in ways counter to God’s word.

It wasn’t that I wanted to be a bad friend. Even during a period of a couple of years where I broke off contact, I prayed almost daily for my friend. It broke my heart. And though we now speak to one another, it still breaks my heart. I can repent of every way I may have wronged my friend, and to my knowledge I have by the grace of God, but that is all that I can do. My friend has been gracious enough to reestablish contact. Still the past weighs heavy on the friendship and though we now speak, from a human perspective the friendship feels strained and hopeless.  (Thankfully God is greater than any brokenness I can create and I still pray for this friend almost daily.)

As image bearers, our desire should be to see peace and reconciliation in our relationships wherever possible, not sin and brokenness. We are told to live at peace with others as much as it depends on us. This means that we are to search our own hearts to see what ways we have wronged others and need to repent, even if we initially feel like we are without fault or justified in our behavior. It also means that when someone repents to us we are to truly forgive, just as Christ forgave us. There is so much joy that comes from biblical reconciliation, where sin isn’t excused or overlooked but addressed and forgiven. This usually is easier if both parties are believers, but that isn’t always the case and probably why we are given the stern warning in scripture that if we want our sins to be forgiven we must also forgive the sins of others.

I’m so encouraged by the friendships I have where sin is dealt with, my own and my friend’s, and there is sacrificial love. These are the only kind of friendships where true joy can exist. We all sin against others and have been sinned against. Friendships where that is dealt with in love are friendships that can weather the difficulty and trials of life with perseverance and peace.

Sadly there will be times where broken relationships may be unavoidable. We were told by Christ that as we follow in his footsteps inevitably the world will hate us, just as it hated him. Jesus, the perfect, sinless son of God had enemies. There may be times where we have to choose between friendship and God, and doing so may result in someone close to us becoming an enemy. Not that we make them our enemy, but that they choose that. Even so, let’s be very careful that it is the cross of Christ that offends and not our own sin and selfishness.